suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
