She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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