I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
