mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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