so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
two words...techno handjob
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My ass is underappreciated
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
