I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
