My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
