today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
