8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
