So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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