My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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