I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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