either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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