the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
