wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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