I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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