i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize