so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
