just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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