i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
