you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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