i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
