How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
