I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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