yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize