I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
