omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
