singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
