I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
