Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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