My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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