he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
