My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Randomize
