Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
