If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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