that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
