spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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