I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Enjoy the penises
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
