he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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