I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
