Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
