why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
