u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize