I think I died a long time ago.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
