Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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