Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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