if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
