im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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