Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize