i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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