you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
