and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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