i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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