This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
