My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
