Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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