Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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