You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
