Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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