becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
