Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
