You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
