i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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