I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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