he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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