next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
