why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
