i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
