well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
