her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your cock deserves a montage
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
